My+Writing



Swimming Sports

Waking up in the morning strait away the butterflies begin knowing there is my swimming sports, the time just went so fast and then before you know it mum has dropped me off at school and i’m ready for action. The bell rings time to go, hoping into my house group and getting ready to cheer. There’s pushing and shoving everywhere. Now we get organized and set of for our walk, chanting as loud as possible to try support our house group. All I can hear is voices all around me. I look forward and there’s the pool.

When we walk in I see the pool so peaceful and still, shimmering in the sunlight all I can think about is how I will do in my race not knowing if i’ll go good or bad, win or lose but no time to think about this its time to get changed. All the noise everybody nervous, worried about their races but now Mr Mckay needs silence, we all drop into dead silence as Mr Mckay tells about what will happen in the day. I look around at everybody face hot wanting to hope into the pool but not knowing if it will be freezing.

I’m anxiously waiting for my race to begin but i’m knowing that we have to get through the younger students first, i’m trying to take my mind of my race and focus on the other people racing and cheer them on. “GO TAKI GO!!!” I hear all around me, “ LET’S GO TAKI LETS GO!!!” I join in with the cheers and my goose-bumps go away.

Silence fills the air “ Can Emily and Rhian Please come up for their race” Mr Mckay states over the loud speaker. “It’s Me OH NO It’s Me” I say to myself i walk up to the office while everyone wishes me luck. All that was going through my mind then was the loud speaker saying my name over and over and over again. I slowly walk up to the pool it’s all silent i step up onto the edge of the pool i can feel my heart pumping away. I jump in the pool and wait for the gun to fire what was 30 seconds felt like 3 minutes. “BANG!” the gunshot as loud as a siren, Time to go, one arm then the other now my heart pumping i can feel the adrenaline running through my vain’s nearly there a couple more strokes and FINISHED!

When I hop out i’m proud of myself and proud of all my friends I’m shaking, my blue lips chattering away. I wrap myself up and straight away i’m warm again and ready to cheer on my house again. Now it’s time to get packed everybody tired and wanting to rest. As we walk back the time goes past quickly and where are back before you know it. Time to go home and take a rest of to sleep i go.

By Emily.

__Exposition:__

18/05/2011 Walt:  Know how to plan an exposition. Exposition: Greytown School should finish at 4:00pm.


 * Disagree Position... ||  ||
 * Parents Working. || Most jobs that your parents would have would finish at 3.00 so it would be harder to get picked up. ||
 * A hour less of free time. || Less time to hang out with friends and family after school. Also you don’t have much time when you get home because the sun will go down. ||
 * Inter-feer with sports practice. || You will not have enough time to do your sports practice because it will get dark. ||
 * People will be worn out and not be-able to think! || If there is an other hour of school people will get tired and flustered and not be able to think. ||
 * Bus Time table. || At the moment the bus takes one hour for me to get home, I usually get home at 4:00, if school finishes at 4:00 we will not get home until 5:00 then it is nearly dark! ||

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Some people think school should end at 4:00 I disagree if school finishes at 4:00 and still starts at 9:00 people will be exhausted by the end of the day. Some people will agree but I am not one of those people so school should definitely stay the same times. I know that when people get tired they turn naughtier so i know a lot more people will get in trouble, Is that really the way you want to go? I think it is a sane idea and this is why.....

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Firstly if we finish at 4:00 you will definitely have less time to be with friends and family and will not be able to as much house work as you were supposed to. Also you will not be able have any sports practice after school because it will be too dark, which will make you have to pay more money to be able to use lights.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Secondly, when you get home it will be nearly sun down so you won’t be able to go outside and play for very long. These days lots of people catch the bus home, for me it takes an hour to get home on the bus that will mean I will get home at 5:00pm. Do you still want school to finish at 4:00? DON’T CHANGE THE SCHOOL TIMES!

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">And lastly most parents can fit their work in with school times, so this means if school finishes at different times it will be harder for parents to pick children up. Parents will get very feed up with the change.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Parents will get annoyed, kids will get flustered, darker earlier, buses, and sport practices this will all be nonsense so, Do you still want to change the school times?

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Thank you


 * <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Exposition Success Criteria || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Self || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Peer || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #9900ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Teacher ||
 * <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I have an introduction that says what the exposition is about, my position and starts people thinking about the topic. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #ff0000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It does not talkabout the points I will make. || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes ||
 * <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I have a conclusion that says what the exposition is about, my position, sums up the points I made and finishes with a powerful sentence. || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">1/2 ||
 * <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I have used rhetorical questions || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes ||
 * <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I have used repetition || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Sometimes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Sometimes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">1/2 ||
 * <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I have used imperatives || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes ||
 * <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I have used connectives to start my paragraphs || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Not really || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Sometimes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">yes ||
 * <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I have used expert vocabulary for the topic.....I sound like I know what I am talking about || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Sometimes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Not Really || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">1/2 ||
 * <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Each paragraph makes a point and that point is explained. || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">no ||
 * <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I have used powerful persuasive words. || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Not Really || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Not Really || <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes ||

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #9900ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">=3A <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #9900ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Strengths: You have used the new language features we have learnt perfectly Emily it is clear you have mastered this skill. You introduction is great it really starts people thinking.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #9900ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Next steps: You need to work on your structure. It is not clear what the point you are trying to make in each paragraph is....some paragraphs seem to have 2 points. You also need more explaination within your paragraphs. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline;">__Next Steps:__ <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> Sound like I know what I'm talking about. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> Powerful Persuasive words. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> Connectives for each paragraph. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline;">__Strengths:__ <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> Introduction <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> Conclusion

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline;">__Next Steps:__ <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> Sound like I know what I'm talking about. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> Powerful Persuasive words. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> Connectives for each paragraph. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> Repetition words <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline;">__Strengths:__ <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Introduction <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> Conclusion

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Corsiva; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">07/05/2011 <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #ff0000; font-family: Syncopate; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline;">__My Exposition:__ <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Comic Sans MS; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline;">__Smoking should be illegal:__

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Courier New; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">SMOKING KILLS! Smoking should be band because Around 5.4 million deaths a year are caused because of tobacco. Smoking has lots of chemicals that is used in Rat Poison, Floor Cleaner, and even in batteries. How would you like it if you had smoked in the past and then you stopped and then in 10 years you get told you have a lung problem, you would be so annoyed with yourself. How would you feel if one of these people who die was one of your family or friends?

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Courier New; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">When you smoke you get bad breath, wrinkles, you get stains all over your teeth and you are just plain disgusting. You also get stained fingers, Asthma, Headache’s all the time, Arthritis and you can get cancer on your lips and tongue. When smokers catch a cold their cough usually lasts longer than non-smokers. If you are a smoker and you have a cold it is more likely you are going to get bronchitis which is swelling in the air passage this can last for a short time and/or can last for a long time. Teenagers who smoke have a smaller lung and heart the teen non-smokers, this means they can get sicker faster than teenagers that do smoke.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Courier New; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Every time you smoke, you kill some of the air sacks in your lungs, called alveoli. These air sacks are where the air that you breathe in is transferred into your blood. Air sacks don't grow back, This means that you won't do as well in activities where breathing is important, like sports, dancing, or singing. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Courier New; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Smoking paralyzes the cilia that is on your lungs. Cilia are little hair’s that move back and forth to sweep bacteria out of your lungs. When you smoke, the hair’s on your lungs can't move and can't do their job. So dust, pollen, and other things that you inhale sit in your lungs and build up. Also, there are a lot of bacteria in smoke that get into your lungs. Since your cilia is paralyzed because of the smoke and can't clean them out, the bacteria will sit in your lungs and form tar. BAND SMOKING!

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Courier New; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">There's more than just two reasons. Some kids may start smoking just because they're curious. Others may like the idea of doing something dangerous (something grownups don't want them to do) Also others might know lots of people who smoke and they might think it's a way to act or look like an adult.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Courier New; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Smoking should be band, I think there is no point of smoking all it does is kills people all because they want to have the joy of smoking. It is very Immature and it should be Illegal!